So for the past few months I have been transistioning in being more acceptance of my bipolar. I thought that I was uber accepting. But then I realized in a therapy session that my refusal to medicated means that I truly haven’t accepted that that I do have a chemical imbalance. She asked me…” Arent you exhausted from cycling” I admitted that I was over exhausted , but my fear is what stability feels like since I hadnt been stable in so long. But I made a decision that I gotta suck it up. How can I be a mentor and not be completely acceptant? So, before the meds started I was like extremely manic for like 2 weeks and then I came down hard. This pressured me to make a change because I started to see that my mood swings were effecting the people around me. So, then the meds started. Everyone who has a mental health issue knows that its difficult to find out that great combonation of meds. So the first cycle of meds….had me living like a damn zombie. I totally didn’t feel like myself. I didnt smile….or cry…yet I was emotionally fragile. It took one day where I was like I need to talk to my Dr. because I was literally dragging my feet, people at work were constantly asking if I was okay. My pupils were dilated. I immediately made an appointment voiced my concerns and they decreased my meds because I told them I will not be compliant if this continues. Since then…No MORE the Walking Zombie. I am proud that I pushed through the zombie and went to work every day. I still made myself hold myself accountable. So, since I have been been taking my meds appropriately I am able to work out and I have lost weight. I am glad I went through this transition before my promotion(yes I have been promoted to supervisor *does toe touch*. I know that this will be essential in my new leadership.
All in all everything is falling into place. So….Im getting ready for a Cinco de Mayo day party. Sidenote: Since college, I have appreciated the holiday. So….I usually give myself a latina name to be called. Last year I was Selena Santiago. This year I am Lola Lopez….yes I am extra, but thats just me. Mmmkay lemme get ready to pregame before the party.
I miss you guys and I will get back to blogging more.
*sends hugs and kisses*