Things have been looking up for little ole me. I have begun my positive life change journey and I must say that it is the best decision I have ever made for myself. Don’t get me wrong, it was scary to decide to start something that I have never done before. Not saying that I have never been healthy before (check out my pre babes body)! But even during those times, I was still reeking of a lack of self-identity. I looked at myself through the lens of everyone else. I allowed others to zap me out of my energy, and I am realizing that positive energy is so important in this world we live in. So, back to my journey. Not only did I decide that I would make a physical change, but I wanted to grow spiritually, emotionally, and in some instances outgrow old situations. I realized that I held onto my past for dear life because people and things were so comfortable to me. I had to finally make the decision to be uncomfortable in order to embrace the new. This was hard for me on so many levels. I had to stop hiding behind the baby weight, had to stop blaming my medications for my lack of energy, and most importantly unload myself of the baggage of my own and others that I chose willingly to carry. I had to make peace within myself as well as make peace with the people of my past.
I found myself having dreams with key figures of my past and I didn’t understand it. These were people that I had moved on from so why are they in my subconscious. I prayed and meditated on it. I heard God’s voice so clear and he said, “Say goodbye.” And so I did. Every time I had a dream and my past showed up I just sat down in my dream and talked to them. I apologized for my part in whatever occurred. Explained that I still loved them for who they are, but explained that I am not the same woman. I held their hand tight, smiled and whispered good bye. I promise ever since I have begun doing so….the physical shackles of my weight have disappeared. The self doubt has all but disappeared and I have the willpower to get up…go to that dreadful gym and put my all into being healthy. I pay attention to what I consume and put into my temple both in the physical and spiritual sense. I am very particular who I let into my energy space. When things seem off…I start with a self check. So far…so good. With all this change, I feel like a better version of me. I am more engaged with my babies and in tuned with my husband. I have the energy to get through the days even when I am beyond exhausted. Its like I was in a field of green and I plucked a four leaf clover. I feel like I hit the jackpot and I can see the results even after only a few weeks. As far as my mental health, I have accepted the fact that I need to be medicated. I took active involvement in my current medication regime and I feel in more control. I take my medication daily and do everything in moderation. I try to sleep….I mean really rest and I feel good. Now lets be honest, I am still not a morning person (and I cut out coffee) but after seeing the smiles on my family’s faces it gives me the jolt I need. You know its funny, I think my children see a difference. I am more present mentally and I see their smiles more. No. MORE. POST PARTUM DEPRESSION.
I said all of that stuff to say that I would not be where I am without the Lord and his grace. I would not have so much peace in my soul without the prayers from some of you. He has really put people in my reach who wouldn’t allow me to give up on me. Most importantly I learned that my husband loves me just the way I am…So how can I not truly love me?!!
*grabs a handful of four leaf clovers and smiles*