“Mommy 9-1-1”

The last couple of days have been hellish. I have been sick  for days while working with asthma related bronchitis, the horrible events in Orlando have been draining to watch/hear/read, I have been working like crazy prepping for maternity leave, and well……..my toddler is two. For the life of me, I didn’t know how complex this stage of toodlership would be. Every time I try and speak on it with others, it feels like I am met with this invisible issue with little to no support and/or advice. I know that there must be other moms out there who are going through the same issues, trying to balance marriage, parenting, self preservation, career, and the list goes onnnnnnnnnn,

I know that I am not a neo mom, and thus I am supposed to know EVERYTHING, but this….not so much. Despite all those child development and social work classes at Auburn; I feel clueless, overwhelmed, and frustrated. I know that one of the main things is that my gorgeous child is having a blast testing the waters of our patience to see just how far she can break the rules, refusing to potty train, and that she is constantly developing her spicy personality. That’s all good; however, I was not prepared to parent a Taurus…..oh the stubbornness. Its like she was the uber obedient one year old…..then obedient yet curious 18 month old….and then on her second birthday…..she turned up and never came down. Now my profession tells me that I am to take into consideration the situations that are occurring around me. For one, I can empathize because I have been transitioning too with very little ease. Everything happened SO FAST after the wedding. I got pregnant on my honeymoon, we built a house, moved from the only place she knows, my dad began living with us full time permanently, my husband has been working crazy hours because……this world is just crazy. I have been in graduate school and working. Then to top it all off, she’s noticing new bottles, smaller diapers and clothes around the house, and mummies stomach is getting bigger. I can only imagine what is going on in her little toddler mind.

No matter how many parenting articles I read ( that are so general and cannot be discussing my child). No matter how many times I get frustrated and just go breathe in a different room. The fact remains is that I want to raise a different breed of children from those that I see around. I want my children to understand and reciprocate respect, to be hard working women who respect themselves and others. I want them to grow up to not only know GOD, but to build a relationship with him. Because I had to learn the hard way that a relationship with him is the only true sacred relationship one can count on. Most importantly, I don’t want my children to have a traumatic childhood like me. Don’t want them to know what it feels like to be abused and at times abandoned. While writing all of this I am thinking, “bruh, you got your work cut out for you.” Im willing to sacrifice so that I can finally break the generational cycle. At the moment, the only thing that seems to give me some level of comfort is knowing that I don’t have to parent alone, and that prayer….TRULY does work. I reckon, I am going to have to continue to be realistic, and remind myself that my child is not perfect and is fairly normal. In certain things she is above average developmentally. I guess the scariest part of all this is that a parent has the hardest most sacred job on the planet. From carrying the seed of God in the womb, birthing the blessing into the world, and cultivating a child of God as they grow up. Though the job is hard…..it is so important and takes effort and most importantly time.

So, it seems that once again, I have answered my own question which is take it one day at a time. There is no manual on how to be a great mother and/or parent (trust me I looked for one). And even though there is advice it’s not always the right advice for YOU. Most of parenting is straight freestyle to be honest. One must not be scared to step up to the mic and just let it flow……

*coughs like a maniac and soothes poor baby Eriane because I know she’s exhausted just like mummie*