Yesterday….scratch that…Today….I cried

Yesterday, Today….I cried. I mean I cried all damn day about anything. It was one of those imbalanced days….days where everything went so wrong that it kinda sorta went right. I immediately got stressed when I walked into the workplace (sign #2,768 that its time to go). My left eye kept jumping (which I learned thanks to Twitter that it’s stress related). UGH *deep DEEP sigh* Lately, I have been just feeling some kind of way and I am not sure of the origin. I admit *puts hands up* that I haven’t been utilizing my de-escalation techniques i.e taking hot baths, writing in my journal, listening to Maxwell, getting a massage among other RANDOM things. I noticed this time last year that I always get this way every year around this time and I am not really sure why. For as long as I can think back in my bad memory…I always get REALLY anxious in the summer time. Im usually manic…lose sleep….just a ball of energy! Then  October rolls around….and then November and I get tearful about any and everything. I sometimes sabotage things…and I def  just realized that I literally become obsessive that something wrong is going to happen. I sit her and think about why this occurs…I mean my birthday is in November for gosh’s sake.  Now, my assault did happen the week of my bday so I understand why November and much of the winter is hard for me….but dag its SEPTEMBER. I mean I know the winter is kind of gloomy for everyone but DAMN. PSA: I am ACTUALLY on my meds so IDK why I am so stressed and depressed.

**sidenote**One of my fave books is titled “Yesterday, I Cried” by Iyanla Vanzant. It’s a story of  redemption. Someone who is lost…and has no idea where to go. A broken woman who has the courage to attempt to “mend” herself until she realizes that she cannot do it alone. I really like the story because it reminds me a lot about myself and my journey. I suggest you guys read it…it’s awesome. Anywho back to me crying all damn day. It’s ironic because I just blogged about worrying…and now that I am not worrying per say I am cracking. I mean today was a bad day…..that ended up….okay. I lost my debit card earlier…to go back to the gas station the last place I used it to find it. Some angel looked out for me and turned it in….(gosh I love the South imma miss it). The weird thing is now that I am done crying (for now….#dontjudgeme) I feel better. Maybe the lesson today was to focus on NOT worrying and finally unload myself….via tears. Some of us need permission to cry…to let go of something. There are times when we aren’t sure why we feel heavy, nevertheless….we need to have a scream…or a cry.

ugh…my eyes hurt and hopefully I am done crying for at LEAST a couple days…my plan for the evening is to un-wind….and sip some tea…maybe…get a good nite’s rest so I can be vibrant tomorrow for my blessings. So…moral of the story…..CRY…YELL…SCREAM…or answer when a rude bill collector calls and LET Em’ have it…(#yeahisaidit)LMAO do SOMETHING to let it (whatever that is) OUT! #thankmelater *Drake voice*

 

*heats up tea and runs hot bath*